Operation Denim

Photo: Serfontaine at shopkitson.com

This is a serious post because finding good jeans is serious business.

I am currently smitten with my J Brand Blue Label Scarlett bootlegs in ink. They are made for the body of a woman, not a tween. The dark ink color looks clean and elegant. And the length is just right for my favorite flat boots. Those are my jeans. I can’t tell you what your perfect pair of jeans are, because they’re yours. What I can tell you is how to shop for your perfect pair.

Shopping for jeans is part art, part science, and part endurance athletic event. The first thing you’ll need is to power up with a small amount of some high energy food, naturally a bit of chocolate makes sense here (does it ever not?). Then you will need to staff up your team with two friends – they should love you and be honest people who will tell you if a jean doesn’t make the most of what you got. If said friends have already seen you in various states of undress, even better.

Head for the nearest upscale department store, and bring a simple top that looks great with jeans (such as American Apparel’s cap sleeve tee) and shoes with the heel height you plan to wear with the denim. The advantages of going to a department store are numerous – they’ll have a big selection that’s neatly organized, people to help you, and maybe a sale to boot. They will not care how many pairs you try on. And that’s good because you’re gonna try on like 20-30.

So here’s how it works. You and Team Jean grab several pairs in the size you think you are, plus one size up and one size down. Do this for lots of brands, because you don’t know which one will love your body most. Don’t over-think this, just pile what looks good onto your arm until it feels like it’s going to fall off. Of course, don’t take styles into the dressing room that you know you don’t want…for example pre-ripped/acid wash/zippers everywhere.

Next, just go. Get into the zone. Make quick, gut decisions. Like this pair? Put them in the maybe pile. Don’t like that pair? Put them in the no pile. One friend stays with you in the room to keep piles organized and confirm or advise on decisions. The other friend is the store employee who works just for you and is available every second to get new sizes and styles. Your team will find a rhythm.

At some point during this marathon, when you feel like the underdog lightweight in the 15th round, your despair will turn to hope. You will find jeans that suddenly make you feel like…yes, well, like a rock star. You’ll start doing that thing with your lips you do when you look in the mirror and see H-O-T. You’ll get a quivery feeling in your stomach that says “these are the ones.”

Those go in the yes pile, and hopefully the store hasn’t closed before you’ve found them. Trust me…they are there.

You may need to get them hemmed; any good department store will have a tailor on site to take your measurements. It’ll cost you maybe $10 extra but you must get them the right length.

If after wearing The Ones you know you are meant to be together for a long time, go ahead and buy another pair. Jeans are the foundation of the American wardrobe and the all-purpose uniform. You will reach for them again and again and it’ll be nice to always have a clean pair.